47. Kids' Excuse

47. Kids' Excuse

(6pm Friday Night)

VP: I need you to run these scenarios through the model and update the deck as of today’s market close for the meeting on Tuesday.

Analyst: Do you mind if I do it tomorrow? I was hoping to go to a friend’s birthday dinner at 7.

VP: No I need you to do it tonight. There will be plenty of birthdays.

Analyst: Yup, ok. Are we going to go through the deck again tonight?

VP: No can do, need to get home to the kids. We can go through it this weekend. Heading home now, thanks.

Typical VP and Directors, they are more than happy to neglect their kids most of the time, but when they ask you to stay late when it is completely unnecessary, they are the first ones to break out the kids excuse. “Oh yeah, I need to get to little…..um….Timmy’s….I mean Danny’s clarinet recital.” Really sir? I thought you had a girl? And since when do they have recitals on Friday nights? The same guy who just told me my personal life means shit is all of a sudden this great family man who can’t miss a recital. And by the way, you make a million dollars a year, how about you buy the kid a real instrument, like the bass.

Trust me, I would love to be able to use my kids as an excuse to leave but unfortunately I’m not even allowed to go out on a Friday night to meet a girl who I might have a kid with one day. They should making a dating website just for investment banking analysts. It would be similar to JDate, catering to a certain group of people. It would harken back to our middle school days where a “relationship” was seeing a girl in school and going out on a weekend once a month, but otherwise only really talking over AOL Instant Messanger. That sounds like a great way to move a relationship forward, at least it always worked in 8^th grade.

If you want to use your kids as an excuse for leaving me stranded on a Friday night, at least let it be known at other times that you do in fact have kids and a wife. It’s called being “personal” with your employees. I see you as a friggin drill sergeant who shouts orders at me and makes my life miserable. I may actually respect you and want to work harder for you if I think you are a good family man. Maybe replace your stupid deal toys on your shelves showing how much money you have helped bring in with some photos of your wife and kids and/or an ugly fire truck your kid drew, and I will begin to buy the story. Until that day, how about you let me enjoy my Friday night and just update your damn pitchbook that you don’t need for another 5 days at some point during the weekend. You’re not reviewing it on Friday night anyways, you’re busy at the recital!