2. Blue Shirts

2. Blue Shirts

We investment bankers are not known for our creativity, but rather for our analytical skills and our ability to make large companies to do useless things that will earn us a hefty fee. Due to this lack of creativity, some banker of the yesteryear decided that we should stick to the colors that we are given to wear at birth, blue or pink, and those shall be the only acceptable business attire. During the first few years of life these colors separate young boys and girls so onlookers can know the sex of the child. When a child blossoms into your dream come true, an investment banker, these colors can both be worn to show that you, as an investment banker, embody all qualities that men and women should have.

One look in the walk-in closet that I share with my fellow banker roommate reveals a wide variety of shirts ranging from Brooks Brothers to Charles Tyrwhitt and striped to solid. The one thing these shirts have in common is that they are 95% blue with one pink shirt each for “casual” Friday. Outsiders may think that sticking to basically only blue shirts is lame and unstylish, and these outsiders would be right. But the truth is, when we bankers go to a bar after work on a Friday, we don’t want to be losers and have to give out of business cards or show our work id. So, instead, we just wear our blue shirts as a badge of honor and dedication to the job, and you can see from a mile away the women at Dorian’s and Phebe’s flock.

During my first few months on the job I tried to be rebellious and wear a yellow shirt or gray shirt but began to notice some weird looks around the office. People began whispering to each other, “Who does this kid think he is? Did he not read his banker guidebook? Does he think he’s better than me?” Truth is, I was not akin to the dress code of banking, and figured everyone could have their own style and be an individual. WRONG. What separates bankers from other professions is that we all merge into one being, a miserable, tired, blue shirt-wearing being. With spring in full bloom, I occasionally sneak out of the office during daylight hours and see girls in tank-tops and guys in sandals and cutoff shirts and I’m reminded of the good ol’ days. So, in order to make myself feel better about only wearing blue shirts day in and day out, I’ve decided to only wear undershirts with vulgar words, liberal sayings, and naked women on them so I can still feel young again. And I figure it will make for a great way to exit if I decide to quit and rip off my blue shirt on the way out.