24. Junk Food

24. Junk Food

Investment bankers are always at their computers just hammering away at work and trying to get things done quickly. Sometimes hunger comes calling and you can’t leave your desk at the moment. Or maybe you just had a meal an hour ago so just need some snack to hold you over. No matter what the exact reason is, investment bankers always like to keep some snacks around their desk (or go mooch off an analyst). Some people opt for some healthy snacks like wheat thins or apples, while others go for the M&Ms or greasy chips.

I know that when I sit in my chair for 14 hours a day doing nothing but playing on my computer, the last thing I want to do is put more crappy food in my stomach. I need food that can give me some energy, and not make me feel like an unhealthy shlub while I try to get my work done. Not everyone thinks like me though. Actually, most people think the opposite way. If you are going to sit around and be miserable doing work, you want some food that will make you happy like chocolate and greasy food.

“Comfort food” as they call it in the South may keep these bankers happy in the short term, but as their asses grow bigger than their chairs they probably won’t be as happy. Investment bankers will eat this tasty food then continue to sit in their chairs staring at the computer screen for another few hours, before going to bed and starting it all again the next day. What’s funny is that the people who eat this crap food are the ones who work out the least and need more caffeine because they are not putting the right food in their body as energy. Instead they’re eating the food that will just sit in their stomach, weighing their ass down in the chair to leave a larger imprint. Wise move my friend.

Here’s my suggestion. Hide all that junk food in your desk and put mousetraps around it. Then, next time your thick fingers reach for that crap you will get a little shot of pain and think twice about junk food. You will also think twice about setting up mousetraps in your apartment when you realize how painful they are. Animal cruelty is just wrong my friend. So have some Jamba Juice, try an apple, and meet your new friend the treadmill (or elliptical). Good luck to you investment banker.