29. Charity
Investment bankers tend to make more money than the average cat. Most people in their first year out of college will barely scrape by and are paying off their college loans at the same time. Investment banking analysts on the other hand can afford to live in a nice doorman building and frequent high class establishments list 230 5th and Scores (a nice family entertainment center…). As you move up the food chain of an investment bank the money becomes very ridiculous and you wonder what a single person at the age of 32 who has done i-banking for 10 years does with all the money he makes. The answer? Hookers. But seriously, it is very unclear, since getting people to give to charity can be like pulling teeth.
As an investment banking analyst, I realize I don’t need all the money I make and can give money to my friends looking to save the world in Africa, or to a charity for kids in need. Once you are out in the business world for a few years and join as an associate it seems that connection fades a bit. With job security very unclear in the current marketplace, especially at the associate and other junior levels, it makes sense to be careful with your money and not “make it rain” every night you go out. But can these people making hundreds of thousands of dollars not manage their expenses well enough to save some money to give to charities run through their company? It only makes sense to give to company sponsored charities during the very few times a year you are asked since you never know who finds out if you gave. Also, these people should be giving since there are great causes and these people make HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS! Just doesn’t make sense when first year analysts are more charitable than first year associates. Maybe we’re just better people?
Investment bankers love to make money but become Ebenezer Scrooge when you ask them for a dime. Puh-puh-puh-please mista, spare me a quarter. I’m not trying to parade around as some saint who gives money to every charity and everyone who asks, but I also know that there are times when it’s the right thing and smart thing to do. Do you really want to be the cheapskate in the office who stiffs some little kids with cancer so you can buy a new 10k watch? Show a little heart.
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2 comments:
I'm not saying you're wrong, but you have to realize that Associates have typically made a mental leap that Analysts typically do not; namely, they are in it for the long haul.
And, if you have made the decision to stay in a physical and moral cesspool like i-banking for the long haul, you either want or expect to reap the rewards of big-swinging-dickhood, like expensive luxury goods, ever bigger apartments, social status, and ever more expensive and demanding spouses or partners. The greasy pole is very tall, my friend, as well as very slippery, and most Associates rightly do not feel secure enough or moneyed enough with their "hundreds of thousands of dollars" to give substantial portions away when they are trying to climb it. You may not like it, but that's the way it is.
Now, if someone does not allow their lifestyle to outrun their income, or does not hook up with a human vacuum cleaner who expects more and more and more, there is no reason why they shouldn't be able to give to charity. But the higher you climb in IB, until you near the very top, many, many years from now, the more cash poor you typically become (all that lovely unvested stock instead of cash in your bonus). Hence, many well-meaning junior bankers find they simply cannot afford to give much away.
The selfish pricks, of course, never even consider giving anything away. Those are the ones who usually end up running investment banks in the end.
Well, actually, they do spend it on hookers, just not the Ashley Alexandra Dupre types who charge by the hour.
They have all married models and other sweetbacks who want to drop a kid as soon as the wedding bells are rung, so they can quit working immediately and mooch on the banker husbands and get child support if he decides he's sick of her. These women derive their income by occasionally providing sex to their banker husbands, which, by my book, makes them hookers.
Seriously, had I stayed in the biz, I'd never have gotten married-- I'd have just pulled a fuck n' run with all the stupid models/dancers/actresses. (Anyhoo, I left the biz, and married a woman who works a real job, so what do I know, eh?)
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