37. Sunset

37. Sunset

For some, the sunset is a beautiful vista that is a great backdrop for a romantic moment. Many people go for a walk on the Brooklyn Bridge to take in the amazing view while the sunsets. That’s all nice and sweet, but some of us don’t enjoy watching The Notebook and crying ourselves to sleep. For those of us that eat raw meat off the bone and use machetes to shave, the red of the sunset is a sign of the blood of our clients that we need to sew up. During these dismal times companies feel the need to shore up their balance sheet by raising a lot of money, and since we know M&A and IPOs are few and far between, we are right there for these companies filling their capital needs. It’s kind of like a fat kid with chocolate. You know you should cut the kid off and tell him more chocolate won’t help his obesity, but you make money when more fatties buy the chocolates. So keep us those bloated balance sheets so I can keep getting a bonus.

Most people are off work by the time the sunsets, but for investment bankers the sunset is when we get to the serious work. Investment bankers put on great performances during meetings and tell a convincing story, but once the sky gets dark, like Dracula, these bloodsuckers begin thinking up the next way to get paid. If every kid stayed away from sweets and brushed his/her teeth, dentists would have no jobs. Same thing goes for investment banks, if we only advised companies to invest in very safe assets and only do a deal if it was bulletproof, how would we keep up our growth? The world isn’t all sunshine and gumballs, and we let clients know that while the sunset may more a beautiful point in their day today, tomorrow the sun could set on their company’s bright and shiny future. So don’t let the sun go down on you because ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone, only darkness every day. Raise capital and make acquisitions to avoid being a part of an Elton John or Bill Withers song.