31. Summer

31. Summer

Warm weather, Hamptons, sun, beaches, bonuses, interns, vacation and girls in skimpy clothing. All things that come to the mind of a young investment banking analyst when the calendar hits June. Oh yes, we may be saying goodbye to those wonderful second year analysts who taught us first year analysts so much, but at the same time we are bringing in a fresh crop of young minds that we can make do our dirty work. I can now pass on my knowledge of modeling, PowerPoint, Excel, moving my mouse to make it seem like I’m working and avoiding staffings.

The workload drops a bit during the summer thanks to bosses taking summer vacations with their families. This marks the first time they have seen their families on a weekday since Labor Day. We are taught to pretend that we are doing important things so that interns can feel like they are really accomplishing stuff, when truthfully they are doing meaningless tasks that will be scrutinized but never used. A lot of the work during the summer is teaching interns, assisting with the training of interns and future analysts, and coming up with a list of the girls who turned me down over the years and shoving my top tier bonus in their face. I’m Rick James b*tch!!

The easy days of summer mean finding some time to do things you wouldn’t normally be able to do during a workday. Last summer I found the time to go to a Red Sox-Yankees game during the day while my some of my coworkers went to a taping of the Letterman show. Sure, there are still some pitches and deals going on, but people lose their SAD disorder and the mood turns brighter. Most of the people are still d-bags, but at least they are happier d-bags now who will be less likely to screw your weekend if it could mean them missing their trip to the Hamptons.

My advice to you, plan for the best, but be prepared for the worst. And if someone tries to screw you over for the weekend, just remind him that the money to pay for your cancelled trip comes directly out of his bonus. That’ll get’em every time.

Summer, summer, summertime.
Time to sit back and unwind.